Sunday, July 26, 2009


This is a hard post. I'm so full of emotion right now.

When we first were driving to Chicago to catch our flight, the next morning, Sonel started saying "I don't want to go to Haiti". He realized we were actually going after talking about it for so long. He would say it kind of jokingly, then he had tears running down his cheeks as he said it. He was remembering. Haiti is hard. It's unlike anything you could possibly experience in the US. I could have bawled at the drop of a hat, but I silently cried inside. We caught our flight the next morning. Sonel did good. We went from Chicago to Miami. When we got on our flight in Miami, he had a hard time. He could hear all of the Haitians on the flight speaking Creole. Anytime anyone from the US would speak Creole to him, he wouldn't answer them. I think he would think they had come to take him back to Haiti.

All went pretty well, Sonel fell asleep on the trip to the Rescue Center. On the first day, Sonel cried, he would say "Can we just go home, I don't want to live in Haiti". It tore me up and we cried together, but I cried alone, a lot, for the next week.

Kenny, Sonel & I were pretty much left on our own the whole week. On the 4th day, Lori talked to us about Sonel's future. I felt better after the talk, but something was really strange about whole trip. I don't know what it was, if we came at a bad time or what, but it was awkward and not very enjoyable. I didn't want to leave Sonel, but I was ready to go home. I cried everyday...pretty much all the time. I pray that things are going better for everyone their.

Sonel loved playing with all of the kids. He started adjusting pretty well to the routine. I've never seen a child sweat so much! His shirt was wet all around his neck from wiping his head with it. On the last day, I told Sonel that he needed a bath, (which was really a stand up, pour water on your head, kind of bath) and Sonel asked me if I would give him a bath in the river across the road! He saw kids bathing in the river and he was ready to try it. I think the bigger kids at the Rescue Center do take baths in the river. It's very shallow. I told him he could do that when I'm gone.

Zach gave me a call from Haiti while we were driving home from Chicago, at about 8pm, to tell me that Sonel did great that day. He said Sonel got up, took his clothes to the bathroom, got dressed and went down stairs to play with the kids. He said he was very mature for his age and that it was a miracle.

I think while I was holding a 4 year old that was skin and bones, from the Rescue Center, that I realized that Sonel hadn't been starved by his parents, they did walk 10 hours to get him some help. Even though they said they didn't want him back, I can only hope that they will treat him well. I pray that they will love him, like we do. He is so sweet, so tenderhearted. I miss him so much.


Laurie said...

I cannot imagine how much pain and sadness you are going through right now. Sonel sounds amazing, how he seems to be picking up quickly on his 'new life' even though we sooo wish he didn't even have to. God must have big plans for that little man and have great confidence in him to let him go back. And HE will be with him every minute. Praying for you as you adjust to life without your sweet boy.

dreamingBIGdreams said...

OH my can i relate to this. i will never forget sending my fedna back. never will i forget.

i'm sorry you are going through this. be prepared for a few weeks of mourning and crying lots.

you will think of him hourly for a long time.

it will get easier. it will be hard for a LONG time, but it will get better.

we have to trust that GOD has big plans with our kids that we send there (yes i still think of fedna as one of my kids!) he has carried them for so long.

Sonel is one of the sweetest boys i have ever met. he captured my heart the first time i met him when i went to meet Amos and Story for the first times.

i'm sending lots of love your way b/c this sucks. it hurts. it's not fair.


ManyBlessings said...

I am crying just reading this.

I cannot even imagine the grief you feel.

I will keep praying.

One Crowded House said...

praying for all of you as you transition....